Why....

I cannot believe this has happened???? How does a Major in the Army do this?? So what you do not want to deploy...a lot of people do not. Suck it up! This is what you signed up for! I was very upset that Tony was leaving but I did not go shoot people. I cannot believe he is still alive. The worst part is how do you keep this from happening again. It was pointless. These poor soldiers who were on their way to do something great were killed by an AMERICAN on AMERICAN soil. What intelligence report helps with that?

I still have not told Tony about this. I know he will have many questions. The former Fort Hood Chaplain is on the news right now talking about the stress of deployment. We have a a volunteer Army. I knew what I signed up for when I fell in love with Tony and he knew what he signed up for when he signed on the dotted line. Hopefully we will know why MAJ Hasan did this. I think many need to know why.

My USO Tour!

I kept telling Tony that Iraq was HOT!!! I do not think that he believed me that it was THAT hot. We were in Kuwait for the 4th of July. I have never seen so much sand and been so hot in my entire life. It was worth every moment to see the faces of those soldiers. We had radar locked on my helicopter and it was very scary. For one brief second I put myself in the position that our loved ones are in every day. I think I was always destined to marry a soldier.
Here I am with 12 of my closest girlfriends....

P.S....I Love You

Funny how little things remind you of the one you love. It could be as simple as a scent or as emotional as a movie or song. I just saw that Ratatouille was on tv tonight. I remember Tony telling me that he went to see that movie. He told me this when we first started dating and at the time i thought it was odd....but than I got to know Tony:)

Before Tony left he bought me the new fragrance from Bath and Body Works, P.S....I love you. He bought me the sample lotion and the wall flowers for the bedroom. He had one request, I use the wall flowers in our bedroom. I put them in last weekend. I LOVE the scent! I went back and bought the candle, body lotion, and body mist. I am burning the candle right now. Normally I associate a smell with an event or a time in my life. I have always found it interesting how you can smell a fragrance years later and recall a particular memory or event that happened years before. I will forever associate Tony, our love, and this time apart with P.S.....I love you.

Home sweet home

Tex, Murphy, and I just got "moved" back into our house. I have been at mama and daddy's since a week ago Friday when I had my surgery. I miss them already! Whoever said you can't go home did not have my mama and daddy. I love going back to the house that I grew up in. I am so close to my parents and Tony was very smart to buy us a house so close to them...especially while he was gone. Thanks to mama and daddy, their love, and nursing skills I am all better!!!!!

I go to the doctor tomorrow and get to see what my stomach looks like!!! I am a little nervous. This whole experience has been a little scary. I was very nervous about getting cut open and pain!!! I wish Tony could have been here in person for me BUT he was with me every step of the way.

Court's B-Day

Yesterday was Courtney's birthday at Mama's Pizza. We had a great turnout and Court and i had a little helium....

Surgery

Tomorrow I get to have my gall bladder taken out! YAY...I think! Hopefully I wil shed a few pounds and be able to eat Italian food again:) I wish Tony were here and so does he. We talked about doing the surgery before he left so he could take care of me. We decided not to because than our last few days together would not have been as fun as they were.

I got to talk to Tony a few times today. When he called this morning I was on the verge of tears. I guess that will happen time to time. There are some moments that hit me harder than others. Yesterday was a hard day for him. I know that he left Kuwait at some point today and I do not know where he is going or when he will be there. That part sucks. I am hoping he will be able to call me before my surgery. I am taking Tony jr. to the hospital.....Tony jr. is my build-a-bear that we did before he left. When I push his paw I get a special Tony message.

The Primetime Emmy's

I am FINALLY watching the Primetime Emmy awards. I really like Neal Patrick Harris as a host. Who would have thought Doogie Howser...

I really like Tina Fey. I have never watched Pushing Daisies but this girl Krisin Chena-whatever is very cute and she could totally fit in your pocket. Oh and apparently I will not since it is no longer on the air!
YAY!!!! Jon Cryer won best supporting actor for Two and a Half Men. Love that show.
What is "THE UNITED STATES of TARA"???? Toni Collette??? Never heard of her and she won best actress. Should have been 30 Rock, Julia Louis, or Christina Applegate...I think even Justin Timberlake was suprised.

Ok done blogging about boring crap.

WOW.....

I just read Jamie's post, Caroline's post, posts from Jodi and jg07. Thank you all for your support. This military family is more amazing than I could ever have imagined. Since Tony is on such a small team that left out of Ft. Riley, Big Red One, there is not a local FRG to stay connected with. I feel like a have a new family right here. So thank you to my USO Girls and to my new blog friends.

Clearing my OWN room!

So tonight I get home from mama and daddy's at 9pm and the house is dark. The alarm is on. I enter the house and turn it off and notice what sounds like running water. I walk to the bottom of the stairs and realize it is coming from upstairs. I turn the lights on and reset alarm and go to the bedroom and get the..................gun! I realize that this is my moment. I get to walk up the stairs and see what or who is up there and find out why or what is making the water run. EXCITING! The gun and I creep up the stairs, back against the wall, you know like in the movies. A quick turn to the left and a flip of the lights an a quick spin into the room upstairs. I imagine this is how Tony must clear rooms in Iraq. Except I am not in a 4 more stack....I am missing my back up. The room is clear. I creep into the bathroom fling open the closet door without turning my back to the shower (never leave yourself vulnerable). I than turn on the light and throw back the shower curtain and......nothing. Apparently the ball that stops water from over flowing in the tank finally rusted and broke. The toilet was running and trying to fill more water. I found the culprit! Mission ACCOMPLISHED! I cleared the room! Tony would be so proud!

Suck-A-Tude

My new word. Definition: An attitude of suckiness....that is how I feel right now. I only got to talk to Tony once today when he called from Bulgaria.

I do not think that it has hit me yet that he is really gone for at least 6 months before he gets leave. I keep thinking that he will be home in a month......Everybody keeps asking me if I am OK and I feel like I should be crying or going crazy, but I am not. Should I be? Am I in denial or is this normal? Mom says my best defense is to not think about it. I think it will hit me in about 30 days....that is the longest we have been apart in 2 years. So for now I will sulk in my suckiness!

Embrace the suck!

This is a new phrase that Tony taught me. I have been repeating this phrase all day today. I had no choice tonight but to fold and put up his clean clothes....Emma (cleaning lady) comes tomorrow. I also had to unload the dishwasher which made me cry and I had to load the dishwasher with all the dishes that we have used the past few days which also made me cry. YES clean and dirty dishes made me emotional tonight!!!

I did get to talk to Tony many times today. He left this evening on plane to Wisconsin. He called me around 8pm and they were on a base and picing up some Air Force people and than headed to New Hampshire. He said the planeis a comercial liner that has 3 seats on one side and 3 on the other. I am hoping he gets 3 seats to himself so he can lay down. After New Hampshire they will go to Iceland and than to Bulgaria and than Kuwait. You would thin there wuld be a more direct way to go. When I traveled to Kuwait, we left from DFW and went through Boston to London to Kuwait.

I did get a wonderful suprise today.....beautiful flowers delivered to work!

Everything in this house reminds me of Tony. I have no choice in the matter nor do I have the power to tell the Army "I am sorry Tony is not available for Iraq....please check back with us NEVER!" So....... I must EMBRACE THE SUCK!

I am a sentimental idiot....

The day has finally come. Tony left on a plane today for Kansas and will leave tomorrow for Kuwait. I came home from he airport and started crying my eyes out when I saw the sweet post it notes attached to my desktop computer. I went into the bedroom and continued to cry when I saw the remote still on his side of the bed. I looked at Tex and realized that he is going to be upset for the next 2..maybe 3 weeks because he cannot find his daddy. So....i continued to cry even harder.Now the idiot part. When Tony left I was folding all of his clean clothes and they are stacked up on the couch so I moved them to the kitchen table. Now I do not want to finish folding or put them away because I want the house to stay the exact same way it was when he left. So I am a sentimental idiot. I am going to go eat some chocolate cake and try not to move anything.

Change of Plans

Not going to get to see Tony this weekend. I am very upset and disappointed....I have been looking forward to this all day long. My new plans for the weekend....figure out how to put my webbie videos on my new pink laptop, get my passwords saved on my laptop, and catch up on DVR. EXCITING!!!! NOT!!!

Mama is in St.Louis this weekend so I will probably go and spend some time with daddy. He has been trying to get a blog up and running. I could help him with that this weekend. I also need to straighten up the house. I think I am going to go to bed now....hope I can sleep. I miss my lobster.

Friday....

So excited...1) it is FRIDAY 2) Happy Hour tonight to celebrate Lori's b-day....HMMM....something I am forgetting.......Oh yes....I get to see TONY!!!!! I am leaving tomorrow morning to drive to Oklahoma to meet by man. I miss him so much.

As I was driving to work this morning, I realized I miss him doing his old job. I know that recruiting is very stressful and even worse when you have a bunch of lazy peeps who do not want to do their job. However, I could actually empathise with what he was going through. It was all about people and managing people and basically sales. I do not understand guns, bullets, bombs, and 4 man stacks. I am feeling a little distance right now from what Tony is going through because I am not there and I do not get it. I guess that is some what normal??? I just hate it because I know it will get worse when he gets over to Iraq.

I know a few things. I love Tony and I am going to marry him. The obstacles we are facing now are temporary. I just need to put my big girl panties on and do my best to understand everything that my baby is going through and be there for him every step of the way.

Tap In

Check out some of the pictures from Friday's FUN!

Thanks USO Girls!!!

http://usogirls.blogspot.com/2009/07/best-weekend-eveh-tso-those-exclamation.html

Tony and I with the Huggin' and Kissin' Grandmas!!

IF YOU LOVE AMERICA....

If You Love America You'll Come!!
Posted by Caroline
Join us for happy hour from 4pm - 7pm next Friday July 3rd, at the Tap In, on Main Street in Grapevine TX!
This event will benefit the Warrior Legacy Foundation .

For more info http://usogirls.blogspot.com/.

4th of July WEEKEND!!

I am sooo excited! My baby comes tonight!!! Tonight we are going to dinner the Keg w/mama and daddy. Last weekend when Tony surprised me and came home we used a COUPON (that's right) and unfortunately did not have the best experience but they made it right and we will try it again!



Tomorrow we are gong to Grapevine and than to see Jamie and the USO GIRLS at Tap In. We are staying in a hotel that night since we will have been drinking wine and beer all day and off to Granbury on Saturday for a day on the square. Fireworks that night and on Sunday....RELAX! busy and fun weekend ahead!

Shoes Key to Jackson's Smooth Criminal

This has nothng to do with the Army but i just found this article...way cool!!!
Shoes Key to Jackson's Smooth Criminal

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Tony's Toys!!!

Tony's BIG RED ONE patch....I know it is not red!

Tony's corner. Very neat n tidy....DUH!

2 frogs....you figure it out.

I just got off the phone with Tony and he is soooo excited! Today he got some of his new toys for Iraq and in his words these are toys he remembers and they are as cool as he remembers! He got a new holster, scope for his M-16 and a LASER!!!! He also got ballistic goggles and a classified email address.

I am happy that they are actually doing something today!!!! He thinks he will get his weapons next week.

Can we go to Costco....

Bryan asked Court can we go to Costco?  I hate Costco...why do you always want to go there....

Our ride home has been interesting. So far RAINMAN Bryan wants everything we pass.  I want pants. I need pants. I want Pearl snap shirts. Does Costco have pearl snap shirts? 

Court thinks every dog is cute that we drive by n Liz says no.

Girls Night....

Court and Liz came over tonight to hang out and it is great to have some girl time!!! The girls came over and we went to Bobby V's for a little bit. We saw Kristin and drunk G. Now we are having girl talk and it is getting heated....I am making mac n cheese to go with the wine.

Court weighed Murphy and he is at a whopping 21 lbs! Tony is in Nebraska seeing the kids and I miss him terribly....

Doing the laundry...

I am about to go to bed but I had to post this first. Earlier tonight I washed my sheets. I went to the machine and put in the sheets, washed them, and than opened the dryer....It is amazing to me that white socks, black underwear, and a few t-shirts can bring tears to my eye. All of his clean clothes are sitting in the laundry basket waiting for me to fold them. I guess I will have to fold them and than put them in their proper spot. I guess the hard part is the not knowing when he will wear them again.

I was able to talk to Tony on Skype tonight and it was wonderful. I do not know who developed Skype but they need a GOLD STAR!!!

Tomorrow I will be in the Dallas office training Sheldon and than my bestie Court is staying w/me tomorrow night....thank GOD for girlfriends!!!! Saturday is hair day!!!! I will also need to fit in a mani and pedi....

Day 2...

Today was actually ok. I trained Sheldon the new sales rep in Dallas and I am worn out!!! I am sooo loving my Palm Pre and am quite proud of my skills. I logged on to my mom and dad's WiFi and was able to sync my Pre with my laptop :) :) I was not able to do this last night on my home network but guess what.....I just did it!

I came home to a clean house, thanks Ema, and now typing on the laptop watching So You Think You Can Dance and cuddling with Tex.

My shooting skills!

Day One....

I am sad and my heart is heavy. I feel kind of silly being so upset when I know I will be seeing Tony again in a few weeks but I cannot help it. I love him and miss him. Usually i would be excited to have some time to myself. In the past, I would be sitting here counting down the minutes until work is over and planning my evening activities....gym-tan-home-DVR! Today I am wishing work to be longer and dreading getting into the car. See when I get in the car I always call Tony to see what he is doing, what are we doing for dinner, and talk about our day...not today. Today I am just trying to get through the day with no tears.

Mom wants to come over but I kind of want to be alone. I am going to do a secret shop in Mansfield and than????

Last day...

Well today has been emotional. Tony keeps reminding me that he will be home in a few weeks for July 4th but I am still sad.  It is the little things that I am going to miss.  Waking up to him in the morning.  Him bringing me breakfast or coffee in bed and of course telling me that I am messy Marvin:)  I am going to focus on happy thoughts tonight.  

Anniversary

Today is our 2 year anniversary and our last 2 days together before he leaves for Ft. Riley, Kansas. I am so proud of my man!

Our Vegas trip was canceled but he still made it an AMAZING weekend. I swear Tony can turn anything from bad to good:) Friday we went to Six Flags and Saturday I went to shoot for the first time...I did not do to bad. I was very scared of the gun at first but after 30 rounds i was doing ok. I also got the new Palm Pre yesterday and it is the COOLEST! I highly recommend it!

Not sure what the plan is today or tomorrow but I will take each day as it comes and enjoy every minute of it. I love my soldier.